legacy

i have to say this trip back for the funeral has opened my eyes and has me looking at my family and my grandparents with greater awe, with the legacy that they have left behind. i think i can say with confidence that i consider my family to be truly embodying the concept of racial "muhibbah" or harmony that Malaysian's tend to go around telling the world they apparently adopted, with chinese, indians, malays, muslims, christians, atheists all as one big happy family (out of 8 children, 2 married indians, 2 married malays and converted, 2 married chinese, one married a foreigner). my cousins and nephews/nieces are just one big mish-mash of all kinda of races blended together, chindians, chinese-malays, chinese-malay-caucasians. this is the legacy my grandparents are leaving behind, and this is what has driven who i am (and the rest of my family) and did away with our prejudices against our petty differences of culture or religion.

my muslim relatives don't shy away from having meals at my grandparents house despite knowing you'd find pork there, neither do they cringe at going to the local church to celebrate my grandfather's life and mourn his death. neither do my christian relatives avoid going to my aunt's funeral in a muslim cemetery. we often say that racial and religious prejudices are inherent to human nature, but this family is testament against that, isn't it? prejudice against differences may be inherent to our nature, but the fact is race and religion is really just used as an excuse to act on our nature.

my grandmother said to me today, "bila cari bini, jangan kira bangsa, kira pangkat", directly translated she said "when you look for a wife, dont look at race, look at her 'stature'". the word "pangkat" here literally means "rank" (as in military terms), but what she is really saying is more along the lines of 'status' or 'stature' in life, not in the sense that eg you are a rich man's son or a sultan's nephew, but what have you achieved in your life. i know this because the husbands of her 5 daughters whom she proudly says have 'pangkat' were not born great, but rather came from nothing and made something admirable of themselves. what she is trying to tell me is when i look for a partner, don't bother about race, or religion, just care about who they are.

After the funeral my uncle was retrospecting on my grandfather and he told me how my grandfather openly accepted him despite the fact that he was from a different race and religion altogether. we often say that people from mixed parentages generally have more liberal views about race and religion, which makes sense for my generation and beyond, but for a conservative, chinese couple bringing up a family in the 1950s/60s in a small town such a Kuching to demonstrate such liberal thinking is quite progressive of them.

so my grandfather did not die a rich man, he did not leave behind empires of business or mansions or bank vaults of cash or such. his legacy is the family he left behind and what he made of them and the values we carry in our blood, the values that are inherent to us that we may take for granted. if not for the values he instilled in his family, would I be the way I am or think the way i do today? its very likely I may be another narrow-minded bigot.

so Ah Kong, I salute you, to the long and full life you lead, the legacy you left behind and the values you pass down to me through my family, that has shaped a crucial part of who I am, how i view the world, how i see people, in seeing past the superficiality of race and religion and seeing them for who they are. may you rest in peace